How You Gonna Write When You Ain’t Right Within

Happy Fall Yall! Yes, I’m from Texas and that’s how we do it! Unfortunately, because I am from Texas, fall is here but at the same time, it’s not. A typical day in October boasts temperatures of 85 -90 degrees? Bring on the Breeze!

So, here’s the thing, this article is simply a means to get out of not writing mode. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to write. Like always, had so much going on. I’ve revamped this page a few times to the best I could, for now, eventually, I’d like to get some help making it just the way I want it to be, and you better believe I have a very very big vision for this page and myself as a writer.

When I last wrote I had just become a Stay at Home Mom when I say a lot has happened. Yes, A lot has happened. In a nutshell, here are some things that have occurred, and I’d like to dig deeper into these topics, but like I said I just had to start somewhere again. Does anyone else have that problem? Big vision thinking and no small actions occurring to get you there. Here is your cue, just push play! Start! Please! For the Love. ( You know I’m talking to myself, right? ) Ok, so as promised here is the list of occurrences.

  • I stopped working to stay at home, keep the house immaculate, and be the perfect mommy.
  • I did not do the above^^
  • I was, however, in the right place at the right time. We had some issues with one of my children in which the fact that I was home, I was there to heal with my child and grow forward together. We as a family healed together, and I was home to see it all happen. God is Good you guys.
  • During all that ^^^ I became depressed, had major anxiety issues, and retreated into one of the worst isolation phases I had ever experienced. Isolation is, in my opinion, one of the biggest tools of the enemy, and I recently discovered that. (Please look out for my next blog post, let’s talk about this some more, and if you are currently in isolation mode, meet a friend for coffee or go volunteer somewhere.)

What started out as self-care and taking time out from the world quickly became just that ISOLATION. I was in one of the biggest depressions I had ever experienced. I felt alone and like no one understood what I was going through since I couldn’t talk to many about what I was going through. I’m grateful to this day I knew to react to what I was going through. Crying daily and feeling alone is not normal and you are not alone. I kept hearing a bible verse in my head. “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” Proverbs 11:25 NIV

  • Daily I read God’s word and decided to act. I made a few lunch appointments with good friends that I knew would lift me up and scheduled a few volunteer opportunities.
  • Did I mention at the beginning of all of this I pretty much shaved all of my hair off? Haha – In my defense, it was damaged, I wasn’t working and figured it was a good time for a clean start. Plus my daughter had just gone bald, so I wanted to join her. Viva la Pixie cuts!
  • The day that changed everything for me, was at a volunteer event. I volunteered with Houston’s Christian Radio Station KSBJ 89.3 at a Third Day Concert. This was revolutionary for me, the fact that I went alone, and oh my goodness was God with me. Check out my next post on isolation and let’s dig deeper on this event as well.
  • I also registered and followed through with going back to school! That’s right, I am currently a college student to receive an A.A. and God willing will continue on to get a B.A. (My current path is in writing.)
  • School began for both me and my kiddos, I went back to work part-time for financial purposes. Being a stay at home mom is not free and as I discovered for the moment wasn’t for me.

What I thought would be a picture-perfect moment of staying at home, quickly became a bout of inactivity creating more inactivity. Toss in family hardships, traumatic events, and not enough income coming in and you quickly slide down a downward spiral. However, everything changed with wanting to serve others, getting my mind off of me and my own problems, and activity! Just like gratitude, activity reciprocates, and I hope to God never to be that stuck again. It happens, and I forgive myself. I reflect on that time as such a learning curve, and thankful for where it spit me out. I was never alone, God walked with me the entire time, and I with him. To all of my friends, family, and to my husband who never gave up on me, and didn’t allow me to give up on myself, I love you! Dearly, I love you. Please post your thoughts or comments below and let me know what you are thinking.

I want to positively remind you if you are experiencing a feeling of being lost or not in your element, hang in there, and don’t give up, and as always. Trust your Journey Beauty. Yes, you. You are Beautiful! Until next time.

with Love and much Encouragement for you,
Crystal Ybarra

Crystal Ybarra

Mother, Wifey and Daughter of the King!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.