I couldn’t help but Ponder

a poem by Crystal Ybarra

This morning I woke up. I laid there, and thought, I laid there and wondered, I laid there and thought. I laid there and pondered. I get a little down on myself, I get down because I think so much, I think too much and at the same time don’t think enough. I’ve learned the importance of plans, discipline, and routine. I’ve learned without these things I could literally just think too much.

This morning, I thought about bathing, I thought about praying, I thought about cleaning, I thought about writing, and I also thought about the fact that I hadn’t written in a few days. I pondered frustration, I pondered looking for another job, I pondered the appointments I must make, I pondered for so long.

I thought until I hopped out of bed, I finally got in that bath, I thought about reading, but then I pondered off into oblivion. I pondered about my bills, I pondered about my feels, I pondered all too long, I pondered at the spinning of my wheels.

Action is necessary, action must be taken, remember those plans, all the plans I’ve been making. I pondered about my hunger, I pondered what to eat, I pondered all day long, this pondering’s got me beat. I had some coffee, I pondered about that too, I pondered about how I started and stopped, again and again, I pondered about the fact that I’ve done it again. I pulled out my phone to create another list, I pondered “ what’s important? And What should be dismissed?”

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s pondering, I think all the time, I think while I’m wandering. I’m wondering if pondering is necessary as it is, or should I just jump and get out of my head.

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s pondering, I think all the time, I think while I’m wandering,  I think until I’m blind. I’m wondering if pondering is necessary as it is, or should I just jump and get out of my head.  Walking in faith, silence the noise, let go of the thoughts, let go one more time. Pondering is good, sometimes, it can lead to possibilities of what could. Be it as it will, I pondered today, I pondered the whole day still. I think it’s good to think, I think it’s nice to take time to do so, I think it’s good to ponder, I wander as I ponder.

Today, all day long, I thought about what I’d write, I thought I’d have something a little more light. Today I thought all day long, I thought all day long, I had to release it, write or wrong.

I can move on now, I can move onto the next, as I close this down. what’s for dinner?

Let me Ponder.

Crystal Ybarra

Mother, Wifey and Daughter of the King!

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